The acoustic show this week went really well. Everyone did such an awesome job. Even I got good feedback from the band. The whole J.D. thing was a little much. I don't dislike him -- I just don't always agree with what he says or how he acts. He does owe me a stereo though. Just kidding.

Well, I guess my song choice wasn’t so awesome after all.  Hearing my name called to step up on stage sucked!!! I kind of felt it the night before though.  I don’t know how or why but I knew.  Half way through standing up there was a strange calm that came over me.  I came here with the intent to do the best I can and make it as far as I can.  So knowing that I’m doing the best I know how and it wasn’t really good enough Tuesday night is a little hard to take.  But what can I do?  My performance yesterday night, though it started really rough, felt most like the way I know I perform.  It’s weird because when I’m at home I get on stage and do what I do without thinking; here I think all the time.  Yesterday, after my first line of the song,  I said to myself screw it!  I stopped thinking and just performed.  It felt good.  I know I can’t control how I’m perceived by the public. But I can go out there and sing my ass off every chance I get.  And that’s what I’m gonna do.  I’m here to live my dream and I’d hate to go -- I’ve tasted it and it’s sweet. I love it and next to my family it’s my LIFE.

Feeling good about my song choice. I think it kicked ass. Everyday that passes I feel it's gonna be harder and harder for the people to pick who they like and dislike. I think each week people step it up, No Doubt. How can you choose?! The odd thing is that every song we get seems to fit someone and even when you think "How are they gonna pull that off!" by the time they finish their song you'd think it was made for them. This must be one of the greatest Rock and Roll shows of all time! Wish we could watch too.

Hoping that the show goes well.  I'm a little concerned with the way my voice has been lately.  I just don't feel like I'm singing the way I do when I'm at home.  I know that sound crazy but its true!  I think because I'm so nervous and unfamiliar with this all, it makes me breath less and I sound a little different.  Hope I look and sound ok to all the viewers! 

I used to watch all those American Idol people and think "Man I could do that song so much better."  Now I feel bad because it is really hard!  It's a lot different then being at home with your band and playing a normal gig.  I just need to chill out and do what I do.  Sing.

I just found out that one of my good friends lost a close family member recently.  He's been very supportive of me through this whole Rock Star experience so I just want him to know that my thoughts are with him and his family.  I'm sorry for his loss.

Rehearsal went well today.  I had no idea what I'd sound like on Purple Haze but I think it sounds good.  I grew up with Jimmy so being able to do it now is pretty awesome. 

I also had my interview today.  I was hanging out by the pool all sweaty and nasty and they come up and say "Ok, Jess, 10 minutes and we're gonna do an interview out back, cool? Thanks!"  Sweet, 10 minutes to try and look sort of clean and cute, no problem.  So I'm pretty sure I'm gonna look a little crazy for that but whatever.  I guess I look like that most of the time anyway.  You want 'reality' so there it is; no makeup, hair pulled back and stinkin like SPF 45.  That's me!  Oh yeah, there were a lot of mosquitoes too.  Throw some [bug spray] on top of all that and then you've got me.  I'm hot, I know.

 

i guess what i'm looking forward to most is getting to know everyone and learning more about their style. i'm already so blown away by how talented they are and i think i could learn a lot from them. well, not to mention the fact that this will be the beginning of the rest of my life! i want to see what's gonna happen just as bad as the viewers! i'm excited, nervous, anxious and any other emotion you can think of. i can’t wait to see all the performances and just hang out with everyone. i intend to learn a lot about myself as a performer and take full advantage of every opportunity that comes along. there will be times when it gets rough no doubt, but i said it once and i'll say it again; this is an experience of a lifetime and i'm so glad it happened to me.