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August, 2005 August 18thThe acoustic show this week went really well. Everyone did such an awesome job. Even I got good feedback from the band. The whole J.D. thing was a little much. I don't dislike him -- I just don't always agree with what he says or how he acts. He does owe me a stereo though. Just kidding. August, 2005 August 13thWe did a surprise clinic. We had to get into 2 groups of 4 and write lyrics and melody over a new INXS track. Our group was Marty, Jordis, J.D. and me. It took us the full amount of time plus 30 seconds to finish. Considering we lost a member and filtered through 100 different ideas we did very well. I like our song. I felt it was a real learning experience for me. I haven't had much experience w/ songwriting I just kind of write what I feel whenever I'm inspired by something.
We didn't win. It’s ok though, my condo is too small for that big stereo system anyway. J.D.'s song was really good, I liked it. I don't understand why he couldn't just stick around last night and help with the writing. We asked him many times but he's too headstrong. Oh well, it was a good clinic anyways. Guess it’s PB&J for dinner! Rehearsal went well this week. I think my song will be good. It's gonna be a different show Tuesday that's for sure. Everything is acoustic. Not to mention we all had our songs chosen for us. INXS hand picked each song for us and gave us reasons why they felt we should sing that particular song. A few people aren't so happy with what they got. I'm cool with mine. I was told I need to sing with more passion so that’s what I'll try to do. If anything I feel I'm a very passionate singer, that's one of the reasons why I'm here. I'm not sure what people are seeing when I perform. My perception must be really different. Anyways, this is a new week, new song and I'm coming in fresh or at least I'm trying. August, 2005 August 11thWell, big surprise. I was in the bottom three again! I love the bottom three again! I love the bottom three -- it's loads of fun. I was pretty sure I was going home, but I guess it’s not my time yet. It was really sad to see Brandon go, but I guess we're all getting used to losing people now. He's gonna have a BIG career, that Mr. Calhoooooon! August, 2005 August 10thIt was a good show this week for everyone but me. I was torn a new a*#hole and don't feel I deserved it. My vocal performance wasn't that bad, and I really tried to connect more with the people at home instead of paying total attention to the live audience. I just wish I could get to the point where I feel I've got it right. August, 2005 August 7thSong selection. Very hard for me this week. I still feel a little worried about my choice and whether or not I’ll be able to pull it off. I love Nirvana so I won’t have a problem feeling the song but will I deliver a good performance? I think I can. I hope it doesn’t end up throwing me back into the bottom three and out of the competition though. Rehearsal was ok. I'm really nervous about doing this song. It's not that I can't sing it I just don't get the same tone from my voice if I'm not doing a full show. That sounds crazy but it’s true. It's hard to get into that zone for me cause my voice is too clean until I get going. I just hope people don't expect a Kurt voice outta me. I'm gonna do it the best way I know how and hope I don't choke. I'm NERVOUS! I guess I can put it this way. I'm capable of singing lots of different stuff but that doesn't mean it all works. There are certain songs I've tried at home w/ my band, songs I love, that I just don't sound right doing. Every voice fits certain styles and just because you can sing doesn't mean you sound awesome doing everything. I'll do my best. August, 2005 August 4thThe elimination show…. I think I was caught off guard a little by the fact that I wasn’t called up. I’m very grateful to have spent the show watching from my seat rather than up on stage. I guess I just need to relax and stick with what I know and like doing. August, 2005 August 3rdI think this week was a good show. Everybody did awesome. I was really worried my song wouldn't go over well, but I think it did. I had a great time out there and it was the most "me" performance so far. It was me for sure. I haven't seen that side of myself since I got here, and I'm so glad to be back! I'm sure everyone that knows me back home has been watching every week going "What the hell is she doing?" Well, I feel I finally put myself out there the way I do when I'm at home. It felt great. Once again, I can say I'm proud of myself this week. That's the way I know myself to be. I hope it stays. I've just been so damn nervous the past few weeks, and I think I'm finally past it. I just want to stick around long enough to end up as the new lead singer of INXS. August, 2005 July 30thThe vocal clinic was very helpful. I've had problems in the past and my awesome vocal coach at home helped me so much. But if you don’t keep it up and continue w/ the lessons you slip back into those bad habits. Ron Anderson’s very helpful and explains things so it seems so easy! I haven't kept up with my lessons in the past year and a half and it shows. We had a group outing and it was fabulous! We got to go out dancing and I loved it. I haven't been out like that in a really long time. I'm usually in bed by 10pm but I was happy to stay up. I had such a great time w/ everyone. I even got to meet Hugh Hefner! That was pretty awesome. We all had such a great time, can't wait to do it again. I could do w/ out the hangover I had the morning after but I guess that's what happens when you have a few dozen rum and cokes. OK, so I only had four; I'm a light-weight, gimme a break. Rehearsals started out a little shaky only because I felt the song needed more balls. Then Paul, the house band leader, and I put our comments in and came out w/ a great version of "Blister in the Sun." I was really worried about having this song. Knowing it was my fourth choice I was worried it wouldn't work to my advantage. At the same time I just wanted to take whatever I ended up with and f#%*in' do it. I'm done trying to figure out what people want from me. I'm doing all I can w/ what I've been given so far and I'm sure, no matter what happens, I'll be happy with what I've done. All I can do is be me and hope people respond to that. July, 2005 July 28thYesterday’s elimination was routine. They called my name, I went up and did my thing and that was that. I can't say I was surprised to be there again. Not for any particular reason, I just felt it. I don't feel my performance was bad but I was just still really nervous. Going into elimination I was pretty calm. I felt like I was back home on stage with my band and it felt really good. I don't think I want to be there again though. Twice is enough thank you! I was shocked when INXS pulled a double elimination. It was very unexpected. Last night back at the mansion felt empty. It's weird and every week it's going to get worse. The game is on and things are going to get serious. Top ten, baby! This is it! I told myself coming into this competition "If I can just make it to the top ten, I'll be happy." Well I'm here, I'm happy but I'd like more ... July, 2005 July 27thThe show this week was kind of strange. We all performed a little below what we thought we are capable of. Some people were really upset with their performance and some were pleased. I'm somewhere in the middle. It's hard to judge because the way you hear yourself in your head and the way you really sound are sometimes different. Not to mention when I'm nervous I don't always remember clearly how I performed. I guess I'll find out on later today, won't I . It was really hard for me to stand up there looking at my fiancé who I haven't had much contact with in 3 weeks and sing a love song. We’ve got to try and sneak hugs after the shows or else I don't get any contact at all. I'm glad I'm here living out my dream but I just wish I could spend one hour with him. He took 3 weeks off of work in Chicago to come here and support me knowing he'd only get to see me at shows. I just wish I could give back what he's given to me. Thank you to all my family and friends that have made such an effort to come out here and support me. I love you all. July, 2005 July 25thOnce again I got a song that was high on my list, but honestly there were only 3 I could really see myself doing. I ended up getting “Because the Night” by Patty Smith/Bruce Springsteen. I’ve done this one before at home so I hope it turns out well. I just don’t want a repeat bottom 3 performance. Not that I don’t want to do INXS songs, I just don’t want to go home. I'll say it like this, if it's my time to go it'll happen no matter what I do. But you'd better believe I won’t go down without a fight.
My birthday was really nice. We all sat down for dinner and Tara made me a really nice toast. Ty suggested going around the table to say one word that would describe me. It felt good hearing what everyone said. Then we got cake! I went to blow out my candles and missed one! What does that mean? Anyways, I had a good time. I'm so glad to be here with this group of people, it makes this whole experience that much better. It was weird not to be with my family on my birthday this year. I missed my angel food cake with strawberries and homemade whipped cream. I guess in a way I did spend it with family though just not blood related. July, 2005 July 21stWell, I guess my song choice wasn’t so awesome after all. Hearing my name called to step up on stage sucked!!! I kind of felt it the night before though. I don’t know how or why but I knew. Half way through standing up there was a strange calm that came over me. I came here with the intent to do the best I can and make it as far as I can. So knowing that I’m doing the best I know how and it wasn’t really good enough Tuesday night is a little hard to take. But what can I do? My performance yesterday night, though it started really rough, felt most like the way I know I perform. It’s weird because when I’m at home I get on stage and do what I do without thinking; here I think all the time. Yesterday, after my first line of the song, I said to myself screw it! I stopped thinking and just performed. It felt good. I know I can’t control how I’m perceived by the public. But I can go out there and sing my ass off every chance I get. And that’s what I’m gonna do. I’m here to live my dream and I’d hate to go -- I’ve tasted it and it’s sweet. I love it and next to my family it’s my LIFE.
July, 2005 July 20thFeeling good about my song choice. I think it kicked ass. Everyday that passes I feel it's gonna be harder and harder for the people to pick who they like and dislike. I think each week people step it up, No Doubt. How can you choose?! The odd thing is that every song we get seems to fit someone and even when you think "How are they gonna pull that off!" by the time they finish their song you'd think it was made for them. This must be one of the greatest Rock and Roll shows of all time! Wish we could watch too.
July, 2005 July 16thHoping that the show goes well. I'm a little concerned with the way my voice has been lately. I just don't feel like I'm singing the way I do when I'm at home. I know that sound crazy but its true! I think because I'm so nervous and unfamiliar with this all, it makes me breath less and I sound a little different. Hope I look and sound ok to all the viewers! I used to watch all those American Idol people and think "Man I could do that song so much better." Now I feel bad because it is really hard! It's a lot different then being at home with your band and playing a normal gig. I just need to chill out and do what I do. Sing. I just found out that one of my good friends lost a close family member recently. He's been very supportive of me through this whole Rock Star experience so I just want him to know that my thoughts are with him and his family. I'm sorry for his loss. July 15thRehearsal went well today. I had no idea what I'd sound like on Purple Haze but I think it sounds good. I grew up with Jimmy so being able to do it now is pretty awesome. I also had my interview today. I was hanging out by the pool all sweaty and nasty and they come up and say "Ok, Jess, 10 minutes and we're gonna do an interview out back, cool? Thanks!" Sweet, 10 minutes to try and look sort of clean and cute, no problem. So I'm pretty sure I'm gonna look a little crazy for that but whatever. I guess I look like that most of the time anyway. You want 'reality' so there it is; no makeup, hair pulled back and stinkin like SPF 45. That's me! Oh yeah, there were a lot of mosquitoes too. Throw some [bug spray] on top of all that and then you've got me. I'm hot, I know.
July 14thDaphna's 30th today! We've got a lot going on tonight so we decided to do most of the celebration last night. And let me just say, we partied like ROCK STARS! I had a great time. I think that Bon Jovi on the dining room table almost got me in trouble but god damn it was good! Everyone keeps telling me that I need to get a little tipsy a little more often. I guess I seem to open up a little more.
The funny thing is that when I am at home I'm totally like that, always just need to be comfortable with my surroundings and the people around me before you see that side of me. I'm a little worried that people will perceive me as being aloof or snotty or just a boring, lame person because it takes me a while to open up. Deep down I'm just a big goof ball. This is really silly and somewhat dorky, and I'm ok with that. Every day I'm here I'm opening up a bit more and soon I'll be totally out of control! Watch out world, Jessica Robinson is coming thru. Other than that, I'm enjoying living here and hanging with everyone. I haven't lived with this many people in one place since college and I've got to say it’s a good time.
I really miss my fiancé, though. As long as I get phone calls, I'm ok. Not to mention, he's gonna be at the next few shows, so I get to see him twice a week. I see him from a far at the shows and we can't talk but I still get to see him.
I'm really looking forward to our next performances. I chose a song I've never done before but have always wanted to do. Hopefully I'll kick ass and represent it well. The song selections are hard man! As much as we all try and pick fairly, someone's always gonna get stuck with something they don't necessarily want. I think we'll all get our turn though. July, 2005 Rock Star:INXSi guess what i'm looking forward to most is getting to know everyone and learning more about their style. i'm already so blown away by how talented they are and i think i could learn a lot from them. well, not to mention the fact that this will be the beginning of the rest of my life! i want to see what's gonna happen just as bad as the viewers! i'm excited, nervous, anxious and any other emotion you can think of. i can’t wait to see all the performances and just hang out with everyone. i intend to learn a lot about myself as a performer and take full advantage of every opportunity that comes along. there will be times when it gets rough no doubt, but i said it once and i'll say it again; this is an experience of a lifetime and i'm so glad it happened to me.
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